Time of the Year
by conniejaneway
Summary: Following Jacob as once again Connie pushes him away. Will it be for good this time? With Christmas just around the corner how will he cope?
1. Chapter 1

"I've tried talking to her...she's..." the recent acting clinical lead sighed. "...She shouldn't be here...She looks exhausted." Stated Elle with nothing but genuine worry and concern behind the observation.

"And she's being rude to everyone...don't take it personally...I try not to..." it was then Jacob saw her, just a few paces away with a look of disbelief directed straight at him. "...Connie?"

"Connie wait..." called Jacob as he went in pursuit.

"Get on with your work senior staff nurse masters...Save your gossiping for the pub." Connie told him dryly and without emotion or feeling as if she'd just caught him talking about some nameless agency worker.

"It's because we're worried about you." His voice full of desperation and on some levels defeat, he knew he was fighting a losing battle. She couldn't see past the wall she'd built around herself, maybe didn't even what to see, her guard was up and she had shields a life time in the making. The Connie he fell in love with was nowhere in sight, all that remained was a cold shell of a woman who had taken all the heart ache she could stand.

"I don't need either of you worrying about me..." She waved him off as if he was nothing more than an annoying fly hovering around her. "...we're done."

"Con-" "-We. Are. Done!" The venom it was said with stopped Jacob in his tracks like he'd hit a brick wall, slamming into it chest first, his heart crumbling on impact. He knew what she had meant.

...

It was late as he watched her retreating figure head back upstairs, back to her daughter, back to her self made isolation. If he'd had known it would be the last time he would see her...he was certain he would have made more effort, but he wasn't to know Connie's first shift back would be her last. He found out later that her leave was open ended, that the recovery of her daughter would determine the length of her absence.

...

For two weeks anger simmered just below the surface, not towards Connie but himself. He didn't fight and he didn't cling on to what he'd found, he just let her walk away.

He hoped, with every day and every week that passed for a glimpse of her, that she'd come in search of the one person she hadn't pushed away.

Charlie.

Who also happened to be his very own confidante, his last remaining link and source of information.

At the start of every shift his first port of call was always Charlie to get a little tipbit to sooth him, to find out Grace's progress and state of Connie's mental health because even though she'd hurt him she would always have his heart.

"She misses you." Charlie had told him three weeks later.

Surprise was Jacob's first reaction. "She said that?" He asked, his eyebrows nearly reaching his hairline.

"She asks after you?" Clarified Charlie.

Jacob was unconvinced. "Okay..." the older nurse held his hands up. "...so I tell her about you...She doesn't tell me to stop...maybe if you went to see her-" "-I appreciate what your trying to do." Grimaced Jacob squeezing his friends shoulder before heading back to work, back into the department that would always remind him of her.

...

He wasn't sure when his anger had dissipated, there wasn't a specific moment he could put his finger on, it had just mellowed, cooled into a resigned haze.

He had accepted that he and Connie were over even though deep down in the depths of his soul a little flicker of hope still remained, it was small and you would have to really focus to see it but it was there. Jacob knew for as long as he drew breath he would always have that because they were good together, as unlikely as that was, they worked, no matter their differences, pay grade or outlook on life. They fit together, coaxing the best out of each other, making a whole. They would have worked.

The crash wasn't the cause of their downfall, it was how they chose to deal with it. Connie's single minded focus and his stubborn pride.

If she hadn't felt the need to protect herself and let him in, if the real Connie was open to comfort and support. If he had taken on advice instead of wollowing, if he'd just given her time and found the right words to say.

...

The persistent Christmas songs playing in reception grating on his very last nerve, reminding him what he'd lost, of his family festivities he imagined them sharing. It most certainly wasn't the most wonderful time of the year. Jacob could feel the delicate acceptance he'd found slipping as it teeters on the edge of depression, he would be alone this year.

He'd worked last Christmas to be with her, so this year the rota dictated that the day was his and he wished it wasn't. He had two options, use his powers to give someone the shift off and spread some Christmas cheer. Or, take up residence in the pub, using his friends as an excuse and the reason behind the oblivion he was certain to get himself into.

He sagged against the nurses station as he contemplated his choices.

"Just go." Jacob jumped from his thoughts to find Charlie frowning at him from the other side of the desk.

"What?"

"Just go..." Charlie repeated. "...they get the verdict today."

"I know and it would have been a long week for all of them..." Jacob shuck his head. "...the last thing they...that Connie needs is me turning up." The truth was he didn't know, they hadn't spoken now for two months but he couldn't face more rejection in his current state. It would most definitely push him passed the breaking point, embarrassing him and almost certainly gaining people's pity.

"Your both as stubborn as each other." Huffed Charlie as he picked up another patient file and went back to work.

...

He must be mad, a glutton for punishment he thinks as he leans in his suit and winter coat against the wall of the courthouse. Hands stuffed into his pockets and his collar turned up in an attempt to stave off the cold, it was getting late but still he waited.

His stomach jumped at the sound of the heavy main entrance door creaking open and then her distinctive laugh, he stayed statue like as she walk passed him unaware.

Sam followed behind pushing Grace in a wheelchair, he heard she was recovering well despite the slow progress.

Jacob watched on as the three of them hugged, celebrating, he decided. The news they received must have been in their favour and that was enough for him. To know she was happy.

He wasn't needed.

So he left. Head hung he disappeared into the crowd of shoppers scurrying about collecting presents for their loved ones. Oblivious and in a world of his own he didn't hear his name being called, over the murmuring public and his busy thoughts Connie's voice went unheard.


	2. Chapter 2

The closer Christmas got the further Jacob sunk and the more time he spent in the pub. He would sit hunched over a large tumbler half filled with a golden liquid that warmed this throat as he sipped it down.

Temptation crossed his path, turned his head and smiled at him from the corner of the bar, a beautiful blonde that made him question his moping. A smirk teasing his lips for the first time in forever was soon quashed by the sight of a brunette walking passed, they brought thoughts of Connie slamming back into the forefront of his mind.

Gulping down the reminder of his drink he went home alone.

Tomorrow was Christmas eve.

...

Jacob worked hard, kept his head down and did his job avoiding the frivolity of the rest of the staff. They were light hearted and plotting festivities in the pub across the road at the end of shift, his hopes of drowning his sorrows in peace and quiet scuppered.

He'd contemplated lying, telling them he needed to leave and to travel to his family home, spending Christmas with his nearest and dearest was a acceptable excuse for not attending. His desire to be alone at a all time high.

"You should join us." Charlie said beside him as if he could read his mind, as if he knew Jacob was rehearsing the lie he was about to tell.

"I'm not in the mood-" "-one drink...I'm buying." The senior nurse butted in, cutting Jacob's lame and tired excuse short. Charlie was insistent and Jacob had neither the energy or the heart to fight him.

"One drink." Jacob agreed with a sigh.

...

He pushed open the pub door, an almost harsh heat warmed him instantly from his slow meandering walk across the car park. Stalling the inevitable. Putting off the fake smile he knew he'd have to wear.

They all looked so happy as they laughed and joked together, he decided then and there that this wasn't the place for him. He would bring people down and that wasn't fare, that wasn't his style so he pushed his way back out into the cold.

And there she stood, across the street with arms wrapped around herself for warmth as fluffy white flakes started to fall from the sky. She didn't seem as surprised as he was sure he looked, never did he imagine she'd seek him out yet here she was purposefully walking towards him.

She was nervous, he could tell. She had something to say and he felt certain it was either going to make him or break him, there's never been anything in between when it came to the enigma that was Connie Beauchamp. She had his heart placed firmly into he palm of her hand from the day she cheated him out of an arm wrestle win. She was different, wonderfully so.

Her hair is shorter but she's the same feisty woman that challenged him daily and she looked amazing, well rested and unburdened like she'd made a decision. A decision she'd come to share with him, he only hoped she hadn't come to say goodbye for good, that she wouldn't be returning to the E.D. He prayed it wasn't that.

"Hi." She said tentatively, unsure of the reception he would give her. And after the way she had treated him, Jacob wasn't sure either.

"Hi." He repeated back to her not giving anything away. No clue as to what he was thinking or feeling. Whatever she needed to say, he'd resolved not to make it easy for her.

"I'd like to talk..." She said with a shiver, the cold had obviously made short work of her blue coat and scarf. "...can we talk?"

"I didn't think we had anything to talk about." As hard as he tried his voice betrayed him, with all the willpower he had in him he couldn't keep the bite from his voice. He didn't want her to see his pain or what she could do to him with very little effort and he definitely didn't want to show her that he was still pined for her.

"Say what you need to say and leave me be..." He offered with more control. It was harsh he knows but he'd leant a thing or two about self preservation thanks to this woman. "...you've pushed me away twice now, I'm not in the mood for anymore of your games." His words colder than the night.

He watched as Connie nodded her understanding. "No more games..." She moved a step closer, away from the road and into the glow of fairy lights coming from the pub. "...I wanted to explain...the last thing I wanted was for us to end up like this...I never wanted this."

"You could have fooled me..." Jacob snapped. "...you seemed very sure of yourself when you dumped me in the middle of the E.D." He half expected her to walk off in a huff saying she tried, avoiding the difficult confrontation, but she remained. Unfazed she stood there, calmly choosing her next words.

"I was wrong and I couldn't see passed my own anger, I was angry at myself...I blamed myself."

"For what...the crash?" He checked.

"I was convinced I should have seen it coming...that I could have done something to prevent it..." She took a breath, a cloud of vapour left her lips as she let out the warm air. "...you were my punishment."

"Excuse me?" Jacob frowned.

"I didn't think I deserved your comfort, your support...so I made sure you didn't give it..." She looked him straight in the eye. "...I couldn't see passed my own red mist...I couldn't see how it was effecting you too...I'm so sorry...I know it doesn't come close to fixing this...if it's even possible that is...but I needed you to know...that I really am sorry."

Jacob said nothing, he didn't know what to say. His heart was telling him to hug her, to wrap his arms around her and never let go. His head was a different matter altogether, it painfully reminded him of the last two months, in all his life, even in his miserable school days he'd never felt that low. He given her his heart and she'd tossed it to one side without understanding what it really was.

"Why now..." Jacob could feel exhaustion tugging at him. "...after all this time...Why now?

He watched as she struggled, she wasn't expecting him to question her motives, she probably wasn't expecting the conversation to last this long. "I erm..." She sigh. "...with nothing else to focus on...I've been...I've had time to think and...well Grace said she's fed up with seeing me sulking..." Connie gave him a coy smile. "...her and Sam practically kicked me out of my own home and told me to come and find you."

Her words did nothing to sooth him. It should have done, to know that she was missing him too but it didn't. All he heard was that she was forced here by Sam. Was she even here for the right reasons, did she want to be here at all.

"He's been spending time with Grace...He goes back to New York boxing day." She said feeling the need to explain and he wonders if she'd heard his dark thoughts.

Looking up to the sky, Jacob watched the large flakes of snow tumble down, it was falling thicker and faster now and he wonders how long they've been stood there. The car park white over and undisturbed, for a fleeting moment he thinks that that won't last long.

"Say I did forgive you..." wondered Jacob out loud, breaking away from his daydream. "...what would change?"

"What?" She asked, not quite hearing him, lost in her own rambling thoughts.

"How would this time be any different...twice things have got difficult and twice you've pushed me away...I can't keep doing this Connie...it hurts to god damn much!" He could feel his anger once again bubbling up.

He could see she was trying so heard to formulate a valid response, something that would appease him and be the truth all at the same time. There wasn't one.

This was his que to leave, he didn't want to lash out and no matter what she'd done to him, he didn't want to hurt her either.

He started to walk.

"Jacob!" She called after him.

"Get home Connie before this show gets any worse...drive safe." He called over his shoulder before he was gone from view.


	3. Chapter 3

He trudged through the snow cursing his rash decision, in his haste he'd walked away from Connie and his car parked up outside the hospital. Now ten minutes into his walk home the cold had calmed his frustrations, could he really walk away from her. Even with the almost certainty of history repeating its self could he let her go?

He imagined his life without her. He imagined working along side her and not having that closeness. Not having the right to brush his fingers against hers as she walked passed or barge into her office with food and coffee insisting she takes a break.

But most of all he thinks he'd miss making her smile, that cheeky giggle that's so out of character, it didn't fit her strict no nonsense personality she had on display at work. In private she was so different, playful and loving.

Jacob let out a chuckle as happy memories flooded over him. Shaking his head he brought himself back to the present and stopped in his tracks.

Looking up and down the street he couldn't believe he'd walked here, without thought or conscious decision he stood across the road from Connie's home.

His cold knuckles stung as he tapped them against the door, right up until it was pulled open he doubted his decision, second guessing himself. He obviously hadn't thought properly about his actions and he had no idea what he would say or what he wanted the outcome to be.

He was grateful when she stepped aside letting him into the warmth. "Did you walk all the way here?" She looked him over, worry evident on her features.

"Ye." He said with no more explanation, he had none to give. He just followed her into the kitchen where she poured him a hot drink.

"I can't promise you what you need me too Jacob..." She admitted sadly before scooping up her own drink and retiring back to the living room and the cosy pit she'd made herself on the sofa.

The electric fire flickered on the wall, the tv paused mid film and the delicate fairy lights on the tree danced in the corner of the room. "...I've spent as long as I can remember being my own judge and jury..." She added throwing him one of the blankets she'd been using. "...it's my default...even as a child I'd rely on me and no one else...it was safer that way...there was less disappointment."

Jacob sits down on the end of the sofa, his elbows resting on his knees as he cradles the steaming mug of coffee between his chilled hands. He knows she has every right to feel the way she does with the amount of people that have let her down. "I'm not them." He mumbles just as much for him as her.

"I'm not saying you are..." She almost whispered. "...I'm just saying I've spent a long time dealing with things in my own way...I don't know how to let people in, especially when I feel responsible."

"The crash wasn't your fault." He insisted.

She only nodded her acknowledgement, he could tell for whatever reason she'd drawn a line under the whole tragic event. Maybe it was because Grace was home and doing well or maybe it was the verdict, Steph Simms was found guilty and had excepted the blame sat squarely at her feet. Whatever the reason Jacob was glad of it.

The silence ate at him as words failed them both, did they really have so little to say on the matter.

"I saw you outside the courthouse." She stated trying to make conversation.

"I don't know why I came." He's talking about here, now and she know it too.

"I'm glad you did..." She tells him. "...I'm not asking you to forget and I'm certainly not asking for us to pick up were we left off...I'm just...I'd just like for us to be friends at least...to take it from there...I'm due back to work new years day..." She stalls for a moment. "...I didn't want to just turn up without letting you know."

"Oh right...so this is about making your path back into work a cake walk...appeasing the jilted boyfriend...making sure he toes the line." He let out an ironic chuckle.

"No..it's not!" Hissed Connie and he can see the shock on her face, that he would even think that of her. But this is what she drove him too, this cynical outlook and he questions whether he can give her what she's asked of him. Could he really be civil, could he move on from all the heartache or will it gnaw at him each and every time he sees her.

"I miss you." Came her quite voice.

He thought he'd imagined it until he felt the sofa move and her shoulder brush against his. "I've missed you so much...and I could never find the words to explain how sorry I am for how I treated you."

She's being sincere he knows that so he offers her the only comfort he can. Placing his cup on the low table in front of them he put his arm around her shoulders, letting her lean into him. No more words were needed, she knew they were by no means fixed but it was a start. It was a truce and that was enough for both of them for now.

She slept on his chest that night, both wrapped in a blanket with the fire on low and the tree lights casting a warm glow over them.

A the first break of day he eased himself out of her tight grip and left. To be there when she woke would give her false hope and that would be cruel.

Jacob retraced his steps from the previous night back to the E.D to start his shift. Yes, he'd volunteered to work Christmas day, he'd felt it more productive than drowning his sorrows. Maybe next year he would take the day off, maybe next year he'd have someone to spend it with.


	4. Chapter 4

New year, the first of January. It filled people with hope. A hope that this year would be better than the last. A fresh start, a clean slate. But in reality the majority of us trudge along with the best intentions and then gradually slip back into our old ways, comfortable ways. We're creatures of habit and only the strongest, most determined of us can make that change.

Jacob was one of the few or so he thought.

Walking into work ready for his clean slate, a brand new year, he had confidence in his stride and a smile on his face. He was leaving the past where it belonged and moving on.

...

There she was, like a rabbit caught in the headlights. Stunned into place as she was greeted by well wishing colleagues, he watched her as uncomfortable with the attention as ever and it made his smile widen. Not because of her awkwardness but because it was his favourite clinical lead stood before him. Not the uptight Mrs Beauchamp he'd met when he first arrived and certainly not the vicious woman she'd become before her leave. This was the tolerant one that had a smile to spare every now and again, that listened to her underlings but not quite the woman who danced with him in her office.

...

It tested him and his clean slate he so desperately wanted, the first time he spoke to her.

"Hi." He uttered after knocking on her office door. "The patient files you needed have arrive." Placing them carefully in her hands he turned to leave.

"Your avoiding me." She accused.

"No..I've just been busy." He winced when his words came out harsher than he'd intended. "How's Grace doing?" He asked in way of apology.

"She's doing well...She's coming in later for her physio if you'd like to see her." Hoped Connie.

"Maybe." He said with a tight smile. The truth was he missed Grace as much as he missed her mum and he wasn't sure he be able to find the words.

Today have been harder than he imagined and after only one day of the new year he found his resolve wavering. It would have been easier if his least favourite clinical lead had turned up to work this morning, at least then the women who had crushed him would be there right in front of him as a reminder.

...

Weeks and months passed with not much change, well not for Jacob. Connie had settled back onto work and her routine with Grace, her confidence had returned along with her playfulness. She tried daily to draw him into conversation and it annoyed him greatly when he realised he must had looked like the biggest fool going, grinning like a child at Christmas, eagerly accepting her attention.

His new years resolution to move on was becoming a farce, he was doing no such thing, so with that realisation he went on the prowl. His sights set on finding someone, not necessarily miss right, just someone to help him forget.

...

He could watch like this for hours and dare he say the rest of his life, stood across from her at the nurses station as she sorted through files. She battered away queries and second opinions left right and centre. A picture of serenity. Completely at ease and in her element. Taking control of each and everything thrown at her, she was a natural leader, someone to respect and look up to.

"So how was your date last night?" Trust Cal to be wholly inappropriate, the question was asked within Connie's ear shot and she instantly stiffened and faltered in her latest set of instructions.

The tiny bit of joy he felt at her reaction lasted only a split second before it morphed into guilt and he knew he wanted to make it right.

"Awful." He didn't lie and he hoped she'd heard.

The woman in question wasn't for him, she was to eager, to sickly sweet. She laughed at jokes he knew Connie would have rolled her eyes at, laid everything on a plate for him to take what he wanted and he wanted none of it.

His gaze flickered back to Connie as Grace bounded up, they hugged both happy to see the other and it warmed him to see the two of them so close again.

"I think someone's been ruined." Whispered his friend and nodding in the direction of his muse.

Jacob agreed, how could he not when in his attempt to move on all he found was her again. Connie, she filled his thoughts daily and nobody could compare to her grace, her intelligence and beauty.

"Hi Jacob." In his dazed he'd missed the young girls descent on him.

"Hey firecracker." He didn't know what to say. "How's school?" He listened to her tails and moans till she through him a question that nearly knocked him off his feet.

"Why aren't you and mum together anymore?"

"It's complicated." The truth was he didn't even know, not now, the breakup and all the feelings that went with it was a distant memory, like a bad dream. The hurt had faded and left behind a wounded pride.

"Is it because of me?" Jacob shuck his head. "Because mum won't tell me either."

Jacob felt in some part responsible for the young girls distress, it was him that was holding her mum at arms length.

He wanted to make it right but that would mean leaving himself open to more heartache. "We both said things to hurt each other...Not because we meant them but because we were angry...we need to learn to be friends again." It was the most diplomatic he could be without telling an outright lie.

...

She was beautiful, striding across the car park with Grace in tow. They laughed and joked together so carefree and no curious onlooker would ever believe the hardships both mother and daughter had faced.

They were in a world of their own, oblivious to Jacob's observation as he sat on the bench, coffee in hand wishing he was involved in their private joke.

Maybe he was ready to move on but not in the typical sense. He wasn't ready to leave them behind, they were his future and he could see that clear as day.


	5. Chapter 5

That voice, that anger was enough to strike fear into any mortal. She'd had a bad shift, a brutal one and the whole E.D had felt it.

The death of a child is always difficult to deal with but when that child was your own patient it has a tendency to crush you. It's how you pick yourself up afterwards that matters, how you cope with the loss. All the staff deal with these loses differently, loses that effect you and stay with you for a long time to come.

Connie gets angry, not at anyone in particular just at the situation and the injustice of it all. She lashes out before finding solace in her darkened office which was where she was brooding now.

He itched to see her.

"Me or you?" Asked Charlie beside him nodding in the direction of his focus.

He was tempted to let his friend go as indecision took over, maybe she wouldn't be comfortable enough with him. Charlie was the safe bet but he took the polystyrene cup on offer and knocked on her door.

...

She sat with her head cradled in her hands no doubt running and rerunning all her decisions through her mind. Picking away at each one, looking for any floor that had brought on the little girls downfall. He knows she won't find any, he'd been there, he'd seen her work, this patient was never meant to be saved.

He'd surprised her.

She hadn't expected it to be him to come and find her, since their breakup Charlie had taken on the roll of her sounding board. "I can go if you prefer." He had to offer.

"N...No...it's fine." She was wary as she took the coffee that was offered. "Charlie got you doing his dirty work?" Of cause she knew what this was, she knew he was the sacrificial lamb for her to rage at if she needed to spare the rest of the staff.

"I wanted to come." He'd managed to surprise her again, the fact that he wanted to be there for her, it was the biggest step towards her that he'd taken since Christmas eve.

...

"I'm fine." She was giving him an out, could probably see how uncomfortable he looked. She was far from fine he knew, so taking a deep breath he dropped his tired bones into the cushions of her sofa.

"How's Grace?" He started with an easy question.

"She's good...with Sam for Easter break."

Jacob nodded and waited. "I know we did everything right in there...I know that." She told him and he believed her. "It just seems so pointless...a waste."

"It makes us all angry Connie...Not just you." Again he cursed himself for his lack of control. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded...Maybe Charlie would be better for you to talk to about this." He added and quickly made for the door.

"Jacob...wait. Please." She begged, jumping up and rounding her desk. "I want to talk to you..." He watched her struggle, wringing her hands together as she edged towards him. This was the first opportunity for a private conversation and he could see she wasn't going to let it pass her by. "...just not about the girl...I...can..." She sighed. "...did I hear right... are you dating?"

He actually considered being evasive, having one last toy to watch her squirm.

"No...I went out for a few drinks with someone that wasn't you and it was quite possibly the most ridiculous thing I've ever taken part in." He told her the truth, as embarrassed as he was by the whole experience. He could see the corner of her lips twitching as she tried to hold back a smirk and it made him want to smile.

"Grace said you'd told her it was both of our fault that we broke up...I appreciate what you were trying to do." He was protecting her, he'd always try to protect her.

"Well it was...Charlie said we're as bad as each other and he's usually right." Jacob could feel his unease lifting as they shared a shy smile.

"Will you sit?" She asked moving closer to the sofa wanting him to move further back into the room.

"I should get back to work...if your okay." He turned the handle on the door.

"I'm fine." She repeated honestly, the only emotion he could pick up from her was the slight disappointment of him leaving, so he made her a promise. "We'll talk soon."

"Soon." She agreed.

He felt lighter some how as he left that office, like the weight he had been carrying around with him for the last six months had been lifted from his shoulders. With a spring in his step he went back to finish his shift.

Every now and again he would catch a glimpse of her across the department, working tirelessly treating patients, saving lives long after the end of her working day.

He'd fallen in love with her many months ago, so many months ago and now he realised he'd never stopped, after everything they'd been through he'd never stopped. He couldn't stop and he didn't want to.

I would just like to take a moment to thank everyone for their kind words, I'm so pleased you are enjoying my work and taking the time to read it.

Thankyou

C.J xxx


	6. Chapter 6

There hadn't been much opportunity for a proper conversation since their encounter in her office, with meetings and opposite shifts it had now been two days. Two days of shy glances across the department and nods as they passed each other on route to a patient.

So that's how he found himself leaning against the outside wall of the E.D with a coffee in each hand waiting for her to arrive. She always turns up early and he was on his break, it wouldn't give them them long but he would take it.

He feels his heart skip a beat when he sees her motorbike pulled into the car park and he decides he probably looks far more desperate than he'd like. She removes her helmet and their eyes meet, in that moment he doesn't care one jot how eager he looks to her or anyone else.

"Thanks." She smiles accepting the drink held out to her.

"I know your busy...But...Do you think maybe we could meet after work?"

"Sure...I'm on admin today so...Whenever you ready come find me."

Nodding his agreement Jacob left Connie with a smile and a wink before heading back inside, internally congratulating himself for causing her cheeks to flush a delicate shade of pink. Such a simple interaction left them both walking on air.

...

They left work together, a polite distance between them as they walked. He had no idea where they were heading and it pleased him that she didn't ask, she was willing to follow him and the destination didn't matter. Her actions spoke volumes.

The silence stretched out till he realised she was waiting patiently for him, he had the ball in his court, they were here on his terms.

He is tempted to try small talk, some polite conversation to get them started but then he thinks what's the point. "You said you couldn't promise that you wouldn't push me away again." Instead he gets straight to the point, knocking the shine from her eyes.

"No." Is her sombre response.

Jacob nods mulling over her direct and honest answer. "Can you promise to try?"

He can see her mind working, putting pieces together, trying to figure out which of her many questions to ask first. "I...what?"

"Promise that you'll at least try to let me in...to stop dealing with things on your own...instead of shutting me out, talk to me...if we're ever to work Connie..." Looking her right in the eye he knew she was scared but he ploughed on regardless. "...if this is what you want...you need to give me something...some sort of assurance that your as serious as me about this." He feels his resolve wavering when a lone tear trickles down her check.

"There's nothing more I want than to make you that promise Jacob...but...I know me...and you do to...I can get very...self destructive." She speaks the truth no matter how easy it could be to do what he'd asked and moved on.

"I can see us bring very happy sweet cheeks..." She sucks in a breath at the sound of her pet name, it's been such a long time since he'd used it, but it still fits. "...I've imagined it all...I'm only asking for you to try."

They strolled through the city, lights pinged to life as the night sky faded in above them. There was nowhere to be and no rush in them, they went where their feet took them.

Jacob felt the brush of her knuckles against his, for a spilt second he dismissed it as a miss timed movement as they walked until he felt her hand slide into his.

He watched her, in a world of her own, eyes downcast and zoned in on their joined hands like she was only just seeing the sight for the very first time.

A gentle squeeze on her fingers brought a halt to their wandering and Connie back to the present. "I promise." She told him simply, her voice slightly hoarse from the emotions that threatened to wash over her like a tidal wave. "You'll remind me of here and now... if-" "-I promise." Jacob knew what she was asking and he needed no further explanation, he was just eager to move passed this limbo they'd found themselves in.

He had no doubt the trials they'd faced had made them stronger, if it didn't work this time it never would, third times a charm people say.

In the middle of the city's high street they hugged, clung to each other finding the comfort and peace they both sort. The last remaining late night shoppers and the fresh faced youth looking for the next watering hole passed them by without a thought or glance, with no clue of the size of hurdle they'd taken together.

"Is it this simple... " Jacob heard her ask, her voice muffled by his chest. "...Do we pick up where we left off... How does it work?"

"There's no rule book Connie...No wrong way...we do what feels right for us." He said holding her closer.

Connie smiled up at him, he see a definite hint of mischief in the twinkle in her eyes and his heart swells, this was the Connie very few people got the privilege of knowing. This was the Connie he fell in love with.

"How right would it feel...If we jumped in one of those taxis over there...Went to mine and shared a pizza?" she wondered playfully.

"You...share pizza...pull the other one!" He chuckled as they separated finding each other's hand again.

"I'm making a change Jacob... No point doing things by halves."

Happiness radiated through him as he pulled open the taxi door allowing Connie to climb in first before he followed.

He knew he was a lucky man but the extent of that luck would only be known with time and depend on Connie's commitment to the promise she'd just made.

Please be patient, I have more but tomorrow is a very busy day...work..work and more work. I'm not even going to be able to watch Amanda's episode until Sunday afternoon. :(

I think a few, one or two of you will be happy with where the story is heading...(I have a feeling...lol)

Love you all

C.J xxx


	7. Chapter 7

Amusement tickled Jacob as watched her savour the last slice of pizza, the piece should have been his but the way she eyed it longingly, who was he to deprive her. It was these simple moments that he craved, that he missed in their time apart.

With the meal gone he felt a twinge of awkwardness niggle at him, up until this point polite conversation had flowed. They were still finding their feet and the ease they'd found like on the morning of the crash wasn't quite there. He was holding back not knowing why and she was unsure for the very first time.

Connie must have felt it too because she got up, taking her time disposing of the pizza box just to be busy and pulls a bottle of wine from the rack. "Drink?"

"I should head off." He's not sure what made him say it but the regret is instant. You'd have to be blind not to see the flash of sadness cross Connie's features. "If you don't want me to..."

"Your probably right...it's late." She murmured but made no move, she stayed leaning against the countertop. They were both being polite again, saying what they thought the other wanted to hear, like being on a nervous first date.

It didn't feel right, she'd done what he'd asked and made that promise but he'd not got the closure he'd expected, maybe it hadn't sunk in yet.

Picking up his coat they both walk to the door which leads them to the age old dilemma, to kiss or not to kiss, the lips or cheek and trying to guess what the other would want can only drive you insane as you think in circles.

Connie opened the door and stepped aside, her actions were slow, dragging the process out. "I guess I'll see you at work tomorrow."

He nodded and leant in, moving passed her lips to her cheek pressing a lingering kiss there as he breathed in the faint scent of her perfume. It was a tender moment that tested them both, igniting embers that had long since fizzled out, the crackle of attraction still lived on and paid no attention to the slow progress the couple were making.

Jacob made a swift move out the door, to let desire take control now would be a mistake. It wouldn't just be one kiss, he craved this woman, the six months of pent up emotions and unspoken words that threatened to tumble from his lips served no purpose. Not now, not when they were learning each other anew. Not when he still had his doubts.

...

Sleep was elusive for Jacob that night, he didn't understand what was happening, he felt certain all he needed was some sort of reassurance from her. Reassurance that he meant something to her and now he had it, yet here he was home alone still contemplating his actions and hers.

He never thought he'd be one of those people. The kind that wouldn't learn, that always went back for more no matter how ill treated. He'd always thought to be in a relationship like that was good for nobody yet here he was, going back for more for the third time.

He was doing it with eyes wide open and for the last time, that was a silent promise to himself as he realised what was bothering him. He was still hurt, he wanted to be with her and glad to be moving forward but his dark clouds had yet to move from the horizon.

He had one toe in the water, to scared to jump in.

...

Jacob had finished half a shift before he saw Connie glide through the department. Not a hair out of place, her clothes crisp and expensive. She walked with confidence and purpose, her famous heels only solidified her dominance over everyone around her.

Taking a calming breath Jacob followed her, closing her office door behind him and waited for her to deposit bag on the desk.

"What was last night Jacob?" He heard her sigh, she didn't need to turn round to know that it was him gate crashing her privacy.

His silence must have peeked her curiosity and she turned around just in time for his lips to come crashing down against hers, something he'd wanted to do for so long. He kissed her like a starved man would, ploughing everything he had into it, all the love and passion he had for her. He was making the leap, the risk was his to take, maybe he'd regret it, maybe he wouldn't but he'd never know if he didn't. All the fears and reservations fading as he felt her begin to melt into him, kissing him back with equal heat.

Jacob cupped her jaw, holding her to him as his heart danced in his chest, it was like coming home, they fit together so easily. She responded to him with eagerness, wrapping her arms around him, clinging to him like a lifeline and it made him want more. Common sense and rational thought was pushed aside as they lost themselves in each other. He had no willpower to stop, heat surged through his veins like a fever, his head swam with the lack of oxygen and still he couldn't stop.

He felt Connie start to pull away and he was confused as to why it had to end, his mind delirious with love and lust.

Panting he rested his forehead against hers. "What you do to me." He murmured as reality started to creep back and it made him chuckle. At some point during their encounter he'd manoeuvred Connie till she was pressed up to the filing cabinets, his hips holding her in place and his roaming hands had found bare skin beneath her blouse.

He took in her appearance, dishevelled and flushed, lips swollen from their untamed kisses but he thought she'd never looked more beautiful. A rye smile directed straight at him only made him want to do it all again.

"That was..." Her voice thick with arousal as she panted to catch her breath. "Unexpected..." He could see her weighing up her next words. "...Last night Jacob...What happen...I felt like...Like I'd forced you to be there."

"I'm sorry...I thought you accepting that we were in this together would be enough...I thought I was ready...I can't just forget...once bitten twice shy and all that."

"Okay...I understand that..." She cast a scrutinizing eye over him as she let her hands slide from around his neck and he instantly felt bereft. "...So..What was this?"

He smirked as he replied their intense kiss in his mind. "I honestly don't know...I saw you there and..." He shrugged. "...I just had to kiss you."

"Just so we're clear...Are we together..." He watched uncertainty settle on her features as she waited for his answer, and he did want it. He wanted it all.


	8. Chapter 8

Jacob stroked a thumb over her cheek, a lose lock of her hair had come free from its grip during their heated embrace so he safely hooked it over her ear before leaning down. This time his kiss was gentle and brief, full of tenderness as he tried to sooth her worry.

"I never want us to be anything but together...me and you Connie...for always."

If he wasn't stood so close he would have missed her choked response. "I want that too."

Jacob cursed the person knocking on the door, it took only one second for his Connie to disappear and ten in total to straighten her clothes, becoming clinical lead once again. It was like she'd flipped a switch as she beckoned to the untimely visitor to enter. He knew the moment was gone and he was sure she didn't even realise he'd left as she went head to head with her boss over some higher power decision or other. He watched through the open door as she scowled, displeased with the man. She should have had more respect for him given his position but it didn't stop her putting him in his place. She was a force to be reckoned with he thought before going back to work.

"Jacob!" He heard her call out. "Your finished?" She knew the answer, it was obvious he was, he was changed out of his uniform and half way out the exit. "Sorry about earlier...Herrick has bad timing."

She was walking on eggshells with no need to. "It's fine...I was going to ring you later after your shift." He edged her to the side, moving out of the way of the passing public. He swept the same unruly strands of hair away from her cheek as he took in her appearance, she looked warn out after another gruelling day. "Come to mine if you have no plans...I'll make us some food."

"Okay." The smile that lit her face was bright and genuine, he saw her happiness. He'd done that, he still had the gift she had given him so long ago.

They talked, not like the previous night, they really talked. Catching up on each others lives, sharing stories, moments they'd missed out on. Grace was a large topic, he felt a sadness that he hadn't been there and he told Connie so, that it was all he ever wanted, to be there for all the ups and downs.

There was no strain and it put Jacob at ease, his heartache still lingered but the way Connie smiled at him made him forget.

When they'd finished eating Jacob excused himself to put on his comfy sweatpants and when he returned the sight that met him took his breath away, Connie washing up their dinner plates, the clips removed from her hair and shoes discarded to some unknown place. It was like she'd never been away from his home.

Sliding his arms around her waist he felt her stiffen then instantly relax, accepting his embrace. "You made me jump...we should get you a bell so I hear when your sneaking around." She joked leaning her head to the side giving him more of her neck to kiss.

"Serves you right for interfering in my housework." He murmured into her hair as he inhaled her scent. She felt so small but fit perfectly in his arms.

It was to much, these feelings he had. The strength of his love for her was becoming to great, to consuming. The urge to put it into words pained him to hold back, to push to hard to fast.

"What are you thinking?" Wondered Connie as she placed the last plate on the draining board.

He could hear the concern in her voice, maybe even a pinch of fear. "I was thinking..." He sighed, the words were on the tip of his tongue. "...that tonight has been great-" "-but it's time for me to go?" She predicted wrongly.

Here they were again second guessing each other. "No..." He turned her round so she was leaning against the sink. "...I don't want you to go...I was about to say...tonight has been great and if you wanted to stay I'd be more than okay with that." He watched her genuine smile take over her features as she gazed up at him and he had no choice but to claim her lips, caressing them with his own. It was deep and full of promise drawing a low moan from Connie. They both gasped as he pulled away. "There's something I need to say and I'm sure it's not the right time...Definitely not how I imagined...But it's...I can't not...I think I may burst-" "-I love you." Jesus's this woman, how she manages to surprise him after so long, how she can still knock him off him feet. He couldn't hide the shock of what she'd said, he'd been caught so off guard there was no hiding it. He'd been prepared for her telling him he didn't mean it or brushing it off as a passion induced moment of madness but this, this pre-emptive strike on her part had floored him.

"Did I get it wrong?" She doubted.

"No...No..." He didn't recognise his own voice as he tried to swallow his thundering heart stuck in his throat. "...No...I just didn't expect you beating me to it...Plus you kind of ruined my speech."

"Oh...You had a speech...Sounded very much like mumbling to me." She mocked happily and to Jacobs delight showed no sign of panic or regret.

"I love you too." He said it with sincerity and all the humour fizzled away.

It only relieved a small amount of pressure, there was so much more he needed to say. Feeling her take his hand, tugging him towards his bedroom he realised the rest the of pent up words of love and devotion would have to wait for another time.

They both needed a different kind of release.


	9. Chapter 9

He felt her hands sliding up his chest pushing his shirt up as she went and he helped her remove it completely. There was no rush as they explored the other at their leisure, relearning and indulging in each new peace of skin exposed.

They stood in their underwear at the foot of the bed, mouths latched together as tongues clashed in deep searing kisses like they were branding the other as theirs.

Jacob shuddered feeling Connie rake her nails down over his broad shoulders, their journey led them passed the waist band of his boxer shorts, using his backside to hold him closer, pressing his arousal between them.

Hearing her gasp his name excited him, spurred him on.

He dipped his own questing fingers through the moist folds of her womanhood and he couldn't take the slow pace anymore, feeling her ready and wonton broke his self control. Pushing her underwear off her hips he lifted her with a firm grip on her thighs, positioning her next to the bed.

He treated Connie like something so delicate, so breakable as he lowered them down on to the bed, he hovered above taking in the sight of her. Flushed and gasping for breath, her chest heaving, eyes glazed with passion. There was never any doubt she wanted this but the way she looked beneath him now, she needed this. Him.

With the help of Connie his underpants were discarded and long forgotten as he lined himself up at her entrance.

He tried to show her the depth of his feeling, eyes locked and burning into hers. "Jacob." She said his name so breathlessly, so in need it made his teasing more enjoyable, she'd given him control.

Nudging into her just a fraction made a grown erupt for from somewhere deep down, with her legs wrapped around him urging him onwards, impatience evident when she let out a whimper as he pulled back.

"Jacob...Please." Her beg went unheard as he entered her depths at his leisure, savouring every inch, every slow and deliberate inch he travelled.

"Oh God." He heard her call out as her back arched off the bed.

He rode her, pulling out almost completely before slamming home. Buried in her up to the hilt he stopped to kiss her, a sensual kiss that spoke volumes. "I'm not sure you understand how much I love you...how much I need you in my life." He uttered, his voice gruff and choked as a lump settled itself in his throat, his emotions getting the better of him. He had no idea why his words never seemed to convey the depth of his feelings.

"I'm beginning to..." He heard her whisper and the gentle caress of her fingers as she cupped his cheeks drew tears to his eyes.

She smiles up at him. "...I love you." Her smile changed then with a hint of devilment shinning through as she snagged the corner of her bottom lip with her tooth.

Jacob couldn't hold back the growl that rumbled up through his chest. He could feel Connie purposely contracting her inner muscles, squeezing his length, there was no doubt in his mind she knew exactly what she was doing.

He revealed in the feeling of being encased by her as he bucked against her sharply before beginning to move again. Stroking in and out never once taking his eyes from her face. The sight of her. He could feel himself falling deeper and deeper. The way her neck craned backwards exposing her throat, the delicate sheen of sweat that dusted her chest, with her eyes closed and lips parted ever so slightly letting out soft gasps of pleasure, just to watch her was enough for Jacob, she was exquisite.

He could feel himself drawing nearer the edge, his self control tested but didn't break. He strived to feel her fall apart around him and only then would he let himself go.

His steady pace faltered as he angled his hips knowing what she required and the pace in which to give it. Speeding up he could feel her release looming, her walls tightened as she stiffened beneath him, her legs rose higher around his waist clamping onto him. "Oh Jacob..Oh..God YES!" She called out to him.

Then he felt it, the flutter around his member and it was to much, he let himself go, emptying his seed deep inside her. Jacobs hips pinned to hers as his length twitched under the spasms of her climax, milking him.

They shuddered together, clinging on to the other as they came down from their high and he softened inside her.

...

Basking in the afterglow, Jacob ran feather light fingertips up and down Connie's back as she rested on his shoulder, her hand curled together with his other on his chest.

The sound of her voice almost made him jump as it broke through the silence. "Will you tell me...What you imagined?"

"Mmmn?" She'd caught him off guard and totally relaxed.

"You said the other day...While we were walking..." Jacob listened as her voice waver. "...That you'd imagine it all...Us together...I was just wondering..." She trailed off.

His mind whirled, tell her the truth or concoct a lighter version that was easier for her to swallow. He doesn't know what made him decide, maybe his brain was still misfiring from the ecstasy that lingered but he chose not to hold back.

"I imagined Christmas, our Christmas, being just another couple shopping for presents, spoiling Grace rotten. I've imagined Christmas eve, the living room lit by the fairy lights from the tree, the odd candle, one of those that smell like cinnamon and pine trees. Wrapping gifts together and you taking them off me because you bow them neater..." He chuckled as he pictured it. "...watching an old film cuddled together as we drank hot chocolate-" "-A glass of wine!" Corrected Connie happily enjoying the moment.

"No...not wine..." He shot back shaking his head. "...because my free hand would be resting on your swollen stomach feeling the early flutters of our baby. Your hand would be sat on top of mine a diamond sat shining on your ring finger."

He felt her stiffen in his embrace as he finished telling her his dreams. "Jacob..."

Kissing the top of her head he chuckled. "Don't start panicking...I'm not rushing this...and I'm certainly not making any demands...that was just one Christmas I imagined...You and Grace are all I need."

"I wasn't panicking!" She exclaimed like a petulant child then added. "Its a pretty picture you paint." It was followed by a sigh. "I just...I didn't expect you to...be so...forward...so...detailed."

Jacob held her closer. "What will be, will be."


	10. Chapter 10

Jacob did a double take, from across the department he watch Connie stride in with Grace at her side. They looked happy talking about the young Beauchamp's trip and doubt entered his mind.

Connie had promised to tell Grace as soon as she landed about their progress, about their reconciliation but he couldn't help imagine a repeat conversation. Her telling him she'd do it soon and him with all the reasons why they shouldn't hide. He dreaded putting pressure on her but the thought of history repeating itself tore at his heart.

"Aren't you going to say hi?" Wondered Charlie.

This man was a well meaning menace, Jacob had no idea how he managed to creep up on him and know exactly what was running through his mind. Maybe he was just that obvious.

"She's supposed to tell Grace we're back together...I thought I'd give them some time."

"What makes you think she hasn't already done it?" Quizzed Charlie before disappearing just as quietly, not giving Jacob a second to form his defence.

Maybe he was becoming a pessimist but he really couldn't envisage things going so smoothly.

...

Hours later in the midst of his shift he felt himself being tugged off course, away from prying eyes to a secluded corridor. "Grace has been asking for you." Connie accused looking at his expectantly.

"I've been busy..." He knew she wasn't buying it. "...I didn't want to rush you...I'd thought I'd give you some time together." He shrugged like it was no big deal, like he hadn't spent all morning analysing and second guessing.

"You didn't believe I'd tell her!" She frowned.

He had no time to deny it, she had hold of his hand yet again, with a motion of her head he followed her willingly through the department drawing all sorts of amused looks their way.

She led him into her office where he was faced with Grace sat with her homework laid out in front of her.

"Jacob!" He was quick to react as she practically through herself into his arms. "I wanted to come and find you but mum said I needed to catch up before I have to go back to school tomorrow!" Her moan was followed by an eye roll and it made him chuckle. "I'm sooo glad you and mum have sorted things out...She was becoming a real nightmare."

"Oi Missy!" Protested Connie, her tone laced with humour.

Looking over his shoulder he could see her, smugness oozing from her every pore, a grin so broad he was sure her face must hurt. It was 'I told you so' and he heard it loud and clear. It should have annoyed him, niggle at him that she was lording his insecurities over him but it didn't. If there was anything he was glad to be proven wrong about, it was this.

He hugged Grace back, his heart swelling. "It's good to see you firecracker."

As Grace went back to her work Connie slipped into Jacobs arms smiling sweetly at him. "Don't start gloating...It not very becoming." He warned playfully enjoying the feel of her pressed against him, her arms around his neck.

She peppered his lips with tiny kisses before pulling back. "I want this." She insisted with hope of some reassurance. "I love you."

"I love you too." Was all Jacob could utter, completely in ore of the woman who never ceased to amaze him.

"Have you asked him yet?" Grace had asked breaking the spell with a question that set Connie into a panic. Jacob could pinpoint the exact second she had decided to flee, her face paled and her body stiffened as she pulled away, such a contrast to the relaxed woman just moments before. Her reaction had him curious. "What's the question?"

He watched as Connie began to make her escape, mumbling something about being late for a meeting, that they'd talk later. Her checks pinked, her actions fidgety.

All he could do was watch her go.

"What was that all about?" Wondered Jacob looking to grace for an explanation, a clue as to what had got the E.D's fierce clinical lead running scared.

"She was nervous...when she told me that you two were back together..." Grace gave him a look of disbelief. "...which I thought was strange because...well I basically told her to stop being a baby and talk too you in the first place sooo...I mean before the accident...we were all sorted...weren't we?" Jacob gave her a nod as he listened, waiting for the other shoe to drop. "You make her happy and so much more fun to be around...so I didn't understand why she thought I'd be upset..." He could see the young girl considering her words carefully and the facial expressions could only remind him of Connie. "...I think she'd be angry if I told you want she said." She finished.

"Then I won't ask anymore of you..." Jacob gave her a reassuring smile. "..she'll talk to me when she's ready."

Leaving Grace in peace Jacob got back to work, he found himself in quiet intervals puzzling what she could possible want to ask that had brought on such a reaction. There was several ideas that he dared not think to deeply about through fear of disappointment.

...

They'd worked together closely on a handful of patients that afternoon and she remain a picture of professionalism, never once did she stray into the personal. If he hadn't seen her melt down for himself he'd never have believed it happened, she was her cool calm and collected self.

Drifting up beside her at the nurses station Jacob tentatively tested the water. "I bet Grace is climbing the walls." His tone neutral.

"Yes...She was ready to leave five minutes after she walked in..." moaned Connie neatly stacking her patient files. "...I've promised take out...do you fancy joining us." She invited.

"I'd love to...as long as I'm not intruding on any mother daughter time." He found himself checking even though he knew she wouldn't have asked if she didn't mean it.

"Not at all..." Her shoulders sagged. "...I owe you an explanation anyway so..."

If the situation hadn't have been so delicate Jacob would have laughed, watching the usual confident clinical lead organising and reorganizing the same files she'd just put down. Turning to leave then turning back, unsure and unwilling to make eye contact. "...I'm going to take Grace home...I will see you after your shift?"

"You will." Agreed Jacob, resting his elbows on the work top he watched her leave, amused rather than worried.


	11. Chapter 11

Waiting for Connie to open the door felt like a lifetime, maybe it was down to his impatience or maybe she wasn't going to open it at all, time seemed to stretch out.

Jacob shuck his head, dislodging his wayward thoughts when he heard the locks click open.

"Sorry..." Connie apologized stepping to one side quickly to let him in.

He couldn't help but grin. She stood before him slightly out of breath, her hair wet and dressing gown wrapped tightly at the waist.

"...Grace was supposed to be listening out for you while I had a shower...go through...I won't be a minute." She added before scurrying off back up the stairs.

For a split second he considered ignoring her directions and following her until he remembered they weren't alone.

Walking into the living room the sight that greeted him melted his heart. Grace was fast asleep on the sofa, her ipad hanging loose in her hands. He debated turning around, closing the door and leaving her in peace until he noted the odd angle of her neck.

There was a need to take care of her, protect her, scooping her up as carefully has he could manage he settled her into his arms.

"Con..." He called gently into the master bedroom.

"Mmm..." She answered appearing in the doorway, distracted by the hair grip she was trying to pin her hair up with. "... Oh..." When she realised the precious cargo he carried. "...I guess the flight took it out of her."

He followed Connie to Grace's room. "Goes a long way to understanding why she didn't let me in." He whispered with a smile looking down over the young girl.

Moving out in to the hallway Jacob took the time to appreciate the woman stood before him, raking his eyes up her bare legs to the hem of one of his shirts, over her chest where the material skimmed over her nipples.

He knew the look he wore was one of desire and he couldn't apologise for that, the sight of Connie clad in only his shirt was a fine sight indeed.

"Didn't anyone teach you it was rude to stare." She was teasing him but he was in no mood for playful. He stalking forward like a predator would on its pray, he had tunnel vision focused entirely on her.

Once in range he dipped his head and clamped his lips to hers, hunger quickly spread like wildfire as her small frame made contact with the wall.

...

He could sense her eyes on him as they laid side by side in bed. Their love making had been energetic to say the least, he could still feel his heart thundering in his chest.

"When I invented you for food I didn't imagine I'd be on the menu." She joked.

He turned to look at her, even in the low light of the room her eyes shone, dancing with happiness.

Shifting his position Jacob scooted closer, he stopped once he was hovering above her, his hips nestled between her thighs. "Walking around naked except for one of my shirts!? And your surprised we ended up here?" Jacob raised a questioning eyebrow as Connie fought against the smirk that threatened to break out across her features.

He felt himself reacting to the beauty gazing up at him once again.

"I think we're here like this because you have no self control." Remarked Connie and Jacob knew she had felt his stirring manhood.

"Only when it comes to you." He told her, his comment being just as cheesy as the grin he wore but it didn't stop him, with renewed energy he lent down, kissing her deeply.

He heard her groan as his hips ground into hers and it sent bolts of electricity shooting down to his ever harding length.

Moments like this, being with her made all the trails and tribulations seem like a distant memory. He could loose himself in her, paying no mind to the world passing by.

The euphoria that washed over him as he sunk inside her core was breath taking, hearing her chant his name soothed his soul like nothing else could.

She pushed his control to it's limits, the way she kissed him, they way it felt as he stroked in and out of her, the sound their bodies made as they rocked together.

He could feel the sweat beading on his forehead and his muscles tremble under the exertion, he wouldn't be able to hold out much longer, his body screaming out for release.

A pain in his shoulder brought him crashing back from the haze of pleasure. Connie was griping his shoulder with her teeth, his flesh muffling the sound of her cry as she came pulling him with her.

He couldn't help the way his hips twitched against hers pumping everything he had inside her.

...

He chuckled at the sight of Connie as she wandered into the kitchen freshly showered yet again, but this time wearing her own pinstripe pyjamas and fluffy white dressing gown.

"Where's my shirt gone?" He asked amused as she shot him a glare, eyes pinched together sending him a warning look.

"I'm hungry...I thought I'd be safer wearing these." She teased.

They sat side by side as they ate sandwiches in comfortable silence. "Sorry." He heard her mutter and he didn't understand until she ran a gently finger across his shoulder and the fading indents her teeth had made.

"I'd rather this than waking Grace and having the embarrassment of her walking in on us." He joked easing her concerns.

Jacob waited patiently for her to find the words, her mind was working overtime, he could see it in her face. He always knew when she was mulling something over with herself and sometimes he'd have no problem making an educated guess as to what was bothering her but not tonight, not now.

He saw her back out. "It's getting late..." she mumbled taking their plates to the sink. "...We should get some sleep."

He was tempted to leave or at least offer to, it was obvious she was struggling to find the right words to say. Maybe she needed some space. He cursed himself, maybe she'd had their evening planned, maybe she'd got it all figured out in her head. Had he gone and messed up her train of thought?

"Jacob?" By the volume she'd called his name he knew he'd missed her first attempts to get his attention, his busy mind drowning out her voice. "Are you coming up?"

He couldn't say no.

...

The next morning Jacob woke with a start, leaning over him with her head resting on her hand was Connie.

"Morning beautiful." He said in his drowsy state. There could never be a more prefect sight than the one that greeted him, her radiant smile beaming down at him.

"Morning muscles."

"So..." He dared. "...do we talk now?" Looking at the clock. "...we have some time before Grace needs to be up."

"I think that's a good idea." She said with a nervous smile.


	12. Chapter 12

The penultimate chapter...

Her nervousness put him on edge. "Is it bad? Is that why you can't say it?"

"No!" She denied quickly. "I'm just...I...what it is..." She sighed and Jacob could feel her frustration. Her words wouldn't come. "...How do you manage to say such heartfelt things?" She shuck her head. "I thought I could find something profound to say...Something that would make this more than just a question."

"Connie I don't need big speeches...If there's something you want to ask then ask...Stop beating yourself up!" Jacob held her hand as he waited for her to continue.

"Will you move in?" her question flew from her mouth and caught him unprepared and unsure of what he had heard.

"Move in?" He was stunned.

"I know...We've not been back together very long...But...I just...Your here nearly every night anyway...don't you think we've wasted enough time?"

"None of that matters connie...I don't consider our time apart wasted...as painful as it was...its made us stronger...brought us closer."

"There you go again with your deep words and understanding." Connie chuckled more out of nervousness than humour.

He knew she was thinking the worst but he needed to be sure. "As long as your sure...You've thought about this?"

"I've thought about it... Really thought about it. " her voice insistent and determined.

"Okay." He said simply as his smile widened, excitement built and bubbled in the pit of his stomach.

"Okay?" She checked as she to broke into a grin.

"Sure, I'll give notice on my place...and Grace...I take it she knows...you've talked." He asked and when she gave him a happy nod he sat up he placed a tender kiss on her lips.

...

He couldn't believe the massive step forward Connie was taking, she'd shocked him, completely blown him away. She was proving to him, to everyone that she saw their relationship as serious, that she could let people in. That she'd let him in and he was the one she wanted to share her life with. The smile on his face was a permanent fixture, there was no knocking it, today was a good day.

He walked into work a picture of happiness, blissful and drawing the attention of his colleagues.

"It's a lovely day...the sun is shining...I'm healthy...I have great friends...what's there not to smile about?" He'd told them, brushing off their quizzing and teasing.

Connie had never said this morning if she minded people knowing, he'd never thought to ask but he was fine, he would follow her lead. It was then he realised they'd not really broken the news of their renewed relationship either but he was sure people had worked it out by now.

As Jacob finished his long double shift in the E.D, he pulled his belongings out of his locker still smiling, still humming. Not even the drunk that through up on his shoes could rain on his parade.

...

Weeks and months passed, he'd no idea where the time went. They'd found themselves a rhythm, it wasn't without the odd bicker but mostly it was happiness. Pure unadulterated happiness.

Jacob enjoyed it all, the laughter as well as the squabbles. The contentment he felt was so strong, so powerful he would feel a lump rising in his throat just thinking about it.

To him it felt like a proper family unit, what he'd always imagined a family to be like.

Day trips, nights huddled on the sofa, the lengthy debates about what they should watch on TV and grace usually winning. School runs and shopping trips. Falling to sleep with Connie in his arms and waking her with breakfast in bed.

Connie remained a closed book on somethings but he knew he couldn't expect miracles, a lifetime of conditioning wasn't going to disappear overnight, but he loved that she tried.

Last week she'd shut him out, spent all day tearing into the staff, even snapping at grace. She wouldn't talk no matter how hard he tried.

It wasn't till late that night when she came home from her self made extended shift and flopped down beside him she decided to share. "Sorry for today." She told him with a weak half smile.

Jacob stayed silent, he wasn't about to brush it off, say it was okay because it wasn't. She'd treated people like dirt today, nothing anybody did was good enough and that included him and grace.

"It's the anniversary of my mum's death." She confessed with a sigh.

"And you couldn't just say that instead of having me worry about you?" Jacob winced at the sound of his clipped voice then added gently. "Would you like to talk now?"

"No...That's why I didn't say anything...I really, really don't want to talk about it." She laid her head on his shoulder.

"Then that's all you needed to say..." Jacob smiled kindly at her. "... Shall we go to bed?"

"Just like that? Your not going to insist it's better to talk?" She frowned at him with disbelief.

"I'm not going to force you Connie...Unless...That's what you want...If you want me to push then..." He was ever so slightly confused.

"No! Thank you." She happily hugged him, holding on as tight as she could.

That was last week. Today was a different matter altogether, there was no shouting, no no strops just quiet brooding and that worried Jacob more than the shouting. She was hiding somewhere deep within herself, refusing to deal with whatever was bothering her. 'I'm fine' was her default reply to any of his enquiries.

Jacob found himself racking his brains for something he could have done wrong, any reason why she wouldn't even look in his direction.

Could she be regretting her decision, was he to hasty in giving up his house.


	13. Chapter 13

"Have I done something wrong?" He asked, no matter how much he feared the answer he needed to know. He was walking on eggshells and couldn't continue to tiptoe around her, it was tiring and wearing him down.

She looked genuinely surprised as she pulled back the covers on her side of the bed, like she had no idea what he was talking about. "No...why?" She frowned.

"Your...you've been distant...distracted...I just wondered if it was something I'd done." Explained Jacob giving her a quizzical look, waiting for something more.

"Have I?" She really didn't see it, these last few days how far away she's been.

"I've asked you several times if you were okay and you've brushed me off." He frowned and began thinking, could he have imagined it? Could he be looking for issues where none exists?

"I'm fine." She smiled and cuddled into his side.

"I'm fine..." He sighed. "...I caught you starring into space this morning...I had a whole conversation with you and you don't remember..." His frustration built. "...I refuse to believe it's all in my head...there something going on in here..." He kissed the top of her head. "...well?"

She smiled up at him. "I didn't realise I was being distant...I...there is something I'm thinking about...but it's fine...I'm fine...I didn't mean to worry you..." She closed the distance and placed a loving kiss on his lips. "...I'm not worried...I promise...just thinking..." Her words were light and she said them a smile, although still a little dubious Jacob accepted her explanation. "...how do you feel about Christmas shopping tomorrow? Drop Grace at school and go spoil her rotten."

Nodding his head thoughtfully. "Sure...I could go for that." He was playing it cool, in reality he couldn't wait. To join the bustling shoppers looking for the ideal gift for a loved one, not expensive gifts necessarily but thoughtful, meaningful gifts that will be cherished. Then there was his secret shopping he had planned for connie, he had a Christmas eve surprise already sorted and hidden in his sock draw but he wanted to find a real present, something that would show her just how much he treasured her.

"Oh and..." She interrupted his musings. "...its the first weekend in December this weekend...expect Grace to pester you to get the decorations down from the loft...I may have told her to see you." She told him sweetly.

"Is that right?" He chuckled amazed at her plotting. "And who got them down last year?"

"I did..." She said matter of factly and her innocent expression tickled him. "...what's the point of having a big strong man in the house if I don't make use of him?"

"I'm being used!" He through his hands up feigning disgust.

"You love it." She laughed at him as she snuggled further down in the bed and into his side.

"No..." He switched off the lamp then hugged her to him. "...I love you."

"And I love you too muscles." She answered before drifting off to sleep.

...

His hands were sweaty, they had been since he woke this morning. It was Christmas eve and with nowhere to be the three of them had made camp in the living room watching tacky feel good festive films all afternoon. He watched mindlessly his thoughts wandered till Connie's voice broke through.

"Come on Grace sweetie...time for bed." She smiled and he realised the credits were rolling up the screen.

"But mum..."

"No buts...Santa only comes to children that are asleep." Connie reasoned and Jacob had to smirk, there was no way Grace was falling for that one and he was right.

"I know you wrap my presents tonight mum...I'm not daft!" The young girl rolled her eyes.

"Even more reason for you to go to bed now...you don't want me tried and ratty tomorrow!" Connie had her daughter thinking now. They were so alike, they had the same thinking face mused Jacob as he watched the pair interact.

"Night mum...Night Jacob."

"Night firecracker." he said accepting her embrace.

When the coast was clear he asked. "So where did you hide her presents?"

"Under the stairs..." Connie said feeling pleased with herself that neither him nor Grace had managed to find them or weedle the information from her.

"But I looked there." he protested with a frown.

"Your a child! In the boxes marked medical files..." she said standing up. "...I'll make us a drink...And don't ever tell her..." she pointed at him in warning. "...That hiding place has served me well over the years."

They sat together wrapping Grace's presents, their backs learning against the sofa laughing at Jacob's attempts at tying ribbon and more often than not Connie took over and finished the job to her exacting standards. He knew she'd want the gifts to looked their best, he'd imagined it.

"Ok...next..." She held out her hand waiting for the next gift, distracted with taking a sip of her hot drink.

Jacob nervously held out a little black box, his hand shaking and heart thundering in his chest as he watch Connie reach out to take it.

"What's that..." She asked curiously and snatched her hand back quickly as if burnt. "...Jacob...what's that?"

He flicked open the lid to reveal an elegant diamond ring, he took in the sight of her and gave her a moment to collect her thoughts. He saw all the emotions, first panic, a lot of panic. He expected it, as long as she didn't decide to run, he knew it was a risk.

He thinks he can see disbelief, the way her month opened and closed with no sound escaping, the way her brow furrowed as she scowled at the ring.

"Connie?" He whispered, emotion causing his throat to tighten, the volume of his voice held down. Her eyes flitted back and fourth between him and the ring.

"Con...I love you..." He shifted to face her properly. "...I never want to be without you...you and Grace are my world...I've no idea what I've done to deserve this...this life you've shown me...this happiness but I'm going to grab it with both hands...I'm a lucky man...I know that and I won't ever take that for granted...I will spend my life showing you how much I love you...and I do...I love you so much it hurts...your intelligence...your smile, wit and humour...how you can strike the fear of God into people one minute then comfort and support the next...I love how strong you can be and I love that you can be so vulnerable too when no one is watching...here at home with me and I love that you've given me the chance to see the many sides you hide...I feel honoured that you've let me in...into your life...into your daughter's life...I love you and I love Grace..." he took a calming breath. "...Connie...sweet cheeks...Will you marry me?"

He watched with bated breath as she tried in vain to wipe the tears from her face, she kept him waiting. "Its me that doesn't deserve you...after everything I've put you through...you shouldn't be here...you should have run a mile and you certainly shouldn't have agreed to move in...I'm sure you must be mad." She smiled through her tears.

"So what if I am...maybe I like being mad or maybe it's you that can't see how wonderful you are...how much you...not clinical lead you, but the real you has to offer...Now if you wouldn't mind putting me out of my misery...we can discuss my mental health later." He smile kindly at her, silently praying for a yes.

She nodded and his heart leapt. "Yes as in we'll talk about my madness later or..."

"Yes...I'll marry you." She confirmed laughing through her tears.

Jacob couldn't quite believe what he was hearing, this beautiful amazing woman he held in his arms was his to share his life with.

...

"So this has got to be pretty close." Murmured Connie as she laid in Jacob's arms on the sofa watching an old film of Jacob's choice. Her back to his chest, their left hands linked resting on her hips.

"Mmm?" Jacob wondered contentedly.

"You told me once you imagined the perfect Christmas, our Christmas...now here we are...watching a 'classic' film...fairy lights and the fire on, candles burning that smell of cinnamon and pine trees...the presents are wrapped...bowed my me..." She smiled up at him as it dawned on him, everything was as he told her, everything he'd dreamed and wished for.

"Right down to the diamond ring on your finger..." He added following her line of thought. "...I couldn't imagine anything more perfect." He kissed her head.

"What about the other thing you mentioned?" Connie asked tentatively, almost as if she was testing the ground.

"Arr...well..." He nuzzled into her neck. "...maybe that's something we could work on for next Christmas." His remark was flippant, light hearted and nothing more than a off handed teasing but he felt her stiffen in his arms.

"Connie...I was joking...what we have now is perfect...more than I could ever want...I don't need anything else." He didn't know how to make it any clearer.

"I have a confession..." She turned over to lay on her back, giving Jacob a full view of her face and the slight grin that had taken root. "...What if I told you...through some miracle and probably more luck than judgment...everything thing you spoke of...well apart from the swollen abdomen and kicking...as happened..." She moved his hand to her flat stomach.

"Your serious?" He asked bewildered. His first thought was that he'd misunderstood what she was saying.

"Seven weeks." She confirmed but even then he had trouble putting the pieces together, crazy thoughts went through his head. Seven weeks, what happened seven weeks ago, well apart from the obvious. Then he thought about Connie's change of mood, he far away looks, could she have just found out. Why hadn't she said anything sooner?

"Jacob?" Connie pulled him back into the room and all he could see was their joined hands lightly resting over their baby and the Christmas lights reflecting in the shine of her ring.

"Are you okay?" She checked and it occurred to him, he'd not really said anything, that he'd left her hanging. Waiting for some sort of sign he was happy.

"I love you." Was all he could manage as tears began to cloud his vision and there was no blinking them away.

They must have looked completely mad, grinning at each other like idiots, joy radiating from them.

"This is really happening...you want this?" It was ridiculous to ask but his intelligence had left him, he was floating somewhere in the vicinity of cloud nine. He was dreaming, he must be. Thinking back over everything they'd been through over the last two year, even longer since they'd first met, it amazed him how they could be here, now, like this.

The couple talked happily till well into the night and the next morning they woke with Grace smiling as they watched her tear open the immaculately wrapped gifts, sharing knowing glances. They'd wait to share their news.

His attention was drawn to the song playing in the background. "The most wonderful time of the year." This time he couldn't help but agree, it was more than wonderful, it was perfect for them.

The End

Thank you everyone for reading, it's been a pleasure to write and I've enjoying all your wonderful words of encouragement.

Hopefully I'll be back soon with a new idea.

C.J xxx


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